Right now I am so down in the dumps... I have gained so much weight since I got married and I am miserable. I don't even know how to make it stop... It was so easy to put on the weight... so easy I didn't even see the weight piling on... but now it takes every bit of my to try to get it off. I am up and its 12:15 I should be asleep... but I'm up and freaking out instead!!!
I am scared that every time my leg touches my husbands leg that he is thinking "get that nasty fat leg off of me" Carlos says he doesn't think that and I'm happy he doesn't but it doesn't change how I'm feeling. I almost feel like I should constantly be walking and be on a strict water and laxative diet... (I would never do that).... but I feel like I need some extreme measures.
The Marine Corps Ball is in a month. November 5th. I want to look good. I want to be on Carlos' arm and I want him to want to show me off. Plus there is this female Marine, who is breath taking... I want to feel comfortable standing and talking to her... I don't want people to look at us and think oh look at the HUGE girl tryin to look good.
I know most of this wouldn't happen like people talking about me or Carlos not wanting me to touch him... but right now I feel horrible. I feel like I am the size of a house and my self esteem is so low it is absurd. So what do I do?
I guess I go to bed for tonight.... Get up and start working on being fit and healthy. I guess that's all I can do for now.
Don't be so hard on yourself, girl! You are very beautiful. Just do little things like cut out fast food or soda. It has worked pretty well for my sister. Those empty calories really add up. My doctor told me I was gaining too much weight (even though it is baby weight) and I really let it bother me until I realized that I am eating healthy so it is not that big of a deal. As long as I am eating healthy I am not going to let it get to me!
ReplyDeleteThanks Alisha... I know its not that bad... I just dont get it... When the funk hits it hits hard!! But you are very sweet! :o)
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