I am in so much pain right now... So here is the DL on whats goin on with me... I had a spot that was really sensitive by my vag... ya know this is goin to get kinda gross so you might not wanna hear... but I was in pain with it and it started to get worse and worse... i thought that it was some sorta infection that might have come from my tampon. I tried to get in the DR and there wasn't anyone that could take me... so I decided that Friday after work i would take myself to the ER and see what was going on because the pain was becoming unbearable.
I went to the ER and they said that I had a glad by my business that quit working. So they had to do a procedure to fix it... They put me out and lanced it and then put in a catheter... they said the catheter will strain all the infection that was caused because the back up in my gland. After that someway or another my catheter got ripped out and they had to put a new one in... The sucky part is that the DR didn't give me any meds before they did it. So I was in an extreme amount of pain.
They sent me home Friday night and Saturday I was in so much more pain and my fever had started that Carlos and I decided to go back to the ER. We went they said everything looked fine and I am going to be uncomfortable but I am ok... Well the pain was so bad that nothing helped... no morphine, no hydro, no nothing!! It sucks.
So now I'm stuck here and I am in so much pain its unreal... I don't know how to handle it. My business is all swollen and black and blue and purple. It hurts so badly. Tomorrow I am going in for a walk in appt to make sure another infection hasnt come up, because of all the swelling and the discoloration. If the DR cant figure out whats going on then Carlos and I are going to be going to PHX for a second opinion this weekend. We need answers badly.
I know this might be a bad thing or it could be nothing but its scary because its right by where my babies will come from. I want a big family some day... Everything that I have read online says that it could either be an STD or some scary cancer... Considering They checked for all STD's when I went for my well woman check 2 weeks ago and I'm only with my husband it cant be that. Plus when i was diagnosed with Skin Cancer at 19 I have been terrified that everything is cancer from here on out.
So now you know whats going on with me... what do you think it is. I have looked up things on WebMD. Also I dont know the exact diagnosis that the DR said it was so it leaves me a little clueless.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
My 10 Guilty Pleasures!!!
We all have it... Little things that just send us over the top... Things that we most likely don’t want other people to know about; but they are things that we do as often as we can and always in secrecy. I have a hard time exploring my guilty pleasures right now because I live with so many people. I don’t want to have to share my quirks with others but those times I can get away I can’t help but indulge myself.
1. SSSHHH I'm not here- I love to hide... I enjoy being alone and when I don’t want to be around other people I like to go curl up in my room with the door shut and locked... curtains closed.... and the radio blasting. I don’t want people to hear me if I am talking to myself (which I do a lot), I don’t want people to hear me singing at the top of my lungs. (I know I sure as hell don’t sound like Mariah Carey).
2. "Cough-Cough" I think I'm sick- I love to "get sick". Have a killer head ache, Stomach issues, something simple but still too much to go to work. I like getting up in the morning and getting ready for work... walking out the door and getting in the car, then calling into work while I'm on my way to IHOP to pig out on some French Toast and coffee. I will spend the entire day going all over town, shopping, and reading books at Barnes and Nobel. Then I make it home at the same time I normally do when I work, and when people ask me how was your day? How was work? I always say, "oh, it was good... ya know it was work."
3. AWWW Look at the sweet puppy- probably 75% of the time when no one is around I find myself wondering around the pound. I love to look and play with all the different animals. I don’t mind people going with me to the pound but I don’t think anyone realizes how much I really do it. I just want to get away and go play with some animals... it tends to get me into trouble though because I always end up begging my husband for another animal. Too bad we don’t have our own home right now because if we did I wouldn’t even ask I would just bring all sorts of animals home.
4. I'm going to be the size of a HOUSE- Little Debbie... She is my girl... my best friend to be exact.... But don’t tell Lays... He thinks he is my best friend too!! I love to have days where I eat nothing but junk food. I will bounce back and forth between Little Debbie Swiss Rolls and Flaming Hot Fritos. I will pig out till I feel like I am going to explode.... wait 5 minutes and eat some more. I have been known to eat an entire half gallon of Blue Bell Ice Cream!!! Rocky Road is the BEST!!!
5. BEDAZZLED- I love to cover things in glitter or in rhinestones... You should see the inside of my car!! I have a rhinestone shifter, rhinestone cigar lighter, and there are rhinestones my husband and I super glued all over the radio! If I could make everything sparkle I would. When we go out dancing or to the bar, or really anywhere I have to glitter myself too.... Body spray that has glitter, bronzer with glitter, and of course it wouldn’t be a normal day without glitter eye shadow. This life can be a little boring I have to liven things up with GLITTER!!!
6. 80's & 90's- "Girls just wanna have fun"- "I'm a Barbie Girl"- "Pour some sugar on me"- I love jamming out in the car to 80's and 90's music!! It is such a freeing experience!! To scream out the words while your shaking every part of your body. People in other cars will look at you like your crazy but who cares... I can almost guarantee you that they know the words to the songs too.
7. Fuzzy Wuzzy- There is nothing better than Fuzzy Socks... They keep your feet warm... they make your feet look like Muppet feet and you can slide clear across the house with fuzzy socks on. What better way to get across the living room than to run and slide? How else are you going to make cleaning the kitchen fun? You have to slide from one place to another and nothing works better to help you slide than fuzzy socks! (Don’t forget to listen to Michael Jackson when you’re sliding... oh and grab your crouch)
8. "O-klahoma"- I adore musicals... I can watch them all day and all night... My biggest thing is when no one is around I replay the different songs in the musical and watch them over and over again and try to learn all the words and the dance moves... but I got to tell you my little feet can’t keep up with the greats like Fred Astaire, Ginger Rodgers, or Judy Garland.
9. Where's the Whiskey- I'm not a huge drinker... I enjoy a drink here and there but not all the time... But I like to get crazy from time to time and drink like a Frat boy. I want shots and shots and more shots. I think I am really hard core at these times and will try to drink anyone under the table. However I always regret it the next morning... but it’s always fun to get a little crazy and do things out of the ordinary.
10. Reality??- It’s like my heroin... Jersey Shore, Mob Wives, Jerseylicious, Bad Girls Club, Horrible TV... That’s what does it for me! I love watching Reality TV; my three favorite channels are MTV, Bravo, and Oxygen. There is something so captivating about reality shows.... I have to admit more than once have I spent 15+ consecutive hours watching shows like "flavor of Love" with FLAVA-FLAV... and don’t even get me started on John and Kate plus 8.
So now you know my 10 guilty pleasures... It is what it is... I'm not trying to hide it... This is me... take it or leave it!
1. SSSHHH I'm not here- I love to hide... I enjoy being alone and when I don’t want to be around other people I like to go curl up in my room with the door shut and locked... curtains closed.... and the radio blasting. I don’t want people to hear me if I am talking to myself (which I do a lot), I don’t want people to hear me singing at the top of my lungs. (I know I sure as hell don’t sound like Mariah Carey).
2. "Cough-Cough" I think I'm sick- I love to "get sick". Have a killer head ache, Stomach issues, something simple but still too much to go to work. I like getting up in the morning and getting ready for work... walking out the door and getting in the car, then calling into work while I'm on my way to IHOP to pig out on some French Toast and coffee. I will spend the entire day going all over town, shopping, and reading books at Barnes and Nobel. Then I make it home at the same time I normally do when I work, and when people ask me how was your day? How was work? I always say, "oh, it was good... ya know it was work."
3. AWWW Look at the sweet puppy- probably 75% of the time when no one is around I find myself wondering around the pound. I love to look and play with all the different animals. I don’t mind people going with me to the pound but I don’t think anyone realizes how much I really do it. I just want to get away and go play with some animals... it tends to get me into trouble though because I always end up begging my husband for another animal. Too bad we don’t have our own home right now because if we did I wouldn’t even ask I would just bring all sorts of animals home.
4. I'm going to be the size of a HOUSE- Little Debbie... She is my girl... my best friend to be exact.... But don’t tell Lays... He thinks he is my best friend too!! I love to have days where I eat nothing but junk food. I will bounce back and forth between Little Debbie Swiss Rolls and Flaming Hot Fritos. I will pig out till I feel like I am going to explode.... wait 5 minutes and eat some more. I have been known to eat an entire half gallon of Blue Bell Ice Cream!!! Rocky Road is the BEST!!!
5. BEDAZZLED- I love to cover things in glitter or in rhinestones... You should see the inside of my car!! I have a rhinestone shifter, rhinestone cigar lighter, and there are rhinestones my husband and I super glued all over the radio! If I could make everything sparkle I would. When we go out dancing or to the bar, or really anywhere I have to glitter myself too.... Body spray that has glitter, bronzer with glitter, and of course it wouldn’t be a normal day without glitter eye shadow. This life can be a little boring I have to liven things up with GLITTER!!!
6. 80's & 90's- "Girls just wanna have fun"- "I'm a Barbie Girl"- "Pour some sugar on me"- I love jamming out in the car to 80's and 90's music!! It is such a freeing experience!! To scream out the words while your shaking every part of your body. People in other cars will look at you like your crazy but who cares... I can almost guarantee you that they know the words to the songs too.
7. Fuzzy Wuzzy- There is nothing better than Fuzzy Socks... They keep your feet warm... they make your feet look like Muppet feet and you can slide clear across the house with fuzzy socks on. What better way to get across the living room than to run and slide? How else are you going to make cleaning the kitchen fun? You have to slide from one place to another and nothing works better to help you slide than fuzzy socks! (Don’t forget to listen to Michael Jackson when you’re sliding... oh and grab your crouch)
8. "O-klahoma"- I adore musicals... I can watch them all day and all night... My biggest thing is when no one is around I replay the different songs in the musical and watch them over and over again and try to learn all the words and the dance moves... but I got to tell you my little feet can’t keep up with the greats like Fred Astaire, Ginger Rodgers, or Judy Garland.
9. Where's the Whiskey- I'm not a huge drinker... I enjoy a drink here and there but not all the time... But I like to get crazy from time to time and drink like a Frat boy. I want shots and shots and more shots. I think I am really hard core at these times and will try to drink anyone under the table. However I always regret it the next morning... but it’s always fun to get a little crazy and do things out of the ordinary.
10. Reality??- It’s like my heroin... Jersey Shore, Mob Wives, Jerseylicious, Bad Girls Club, Horrible TV... That’s what does it for me! I love watching Reality TV; my three favorite channels are MTV, Bravo, and Oxygen. There is something so captivating about reality shows.... I have to admit more than once have I spent 15+ consecutive hours watching shows like "flavor of Love" with FLAVA-FLAV... and don’t even get me started on John and Kate plus 8.
So now you know my 10 guilty pleasures... It is what it is... I'm not trying to hide it... This is me... take it or leave it!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Crazy Dreams
Do you have tons of dreams? Sometimes I have so many and other times I go forever without a dream. I love to have dreams. I think it’s exciting to wake up and tell people what just happened in my dream.
Last night I dreamt I was walking down this path... there were tons of trees everywhere and lots of little animals... it looked like a mix between a Thomas Kinkaid painting and Snow White. While I was walking I was listening to the wind in the trees; it sounded like someone was talking. The voice was deep and it made everything rumble. It was saying my name over and over again. It scared me so I never answered the voice I just kept walking. I guess I thought if I ignored it the voice would leave me alone.
After I made it thru the woods, the path ended at a stream. I knelt down and got some water in my hands and the water tasted sweet. I was so thirsty that I drank and drank and drank and before I knew it the stream was dried up. I was looking at the fish gasp for air and flop around on the ground.
I looked around and noticed the deep voice had quit calling my name, I said hello, and there was a rumble in the ground and a huge gust of wind. Then out of nowhere the stream started filling with water again. I sat there basking in the sun and watched the fish swim around in a stream full of crystal clear water.
I don’t know why I was dreaming that... and I'm not someone who can analyze dreams but I do know I woke up at peace and had the most restful sleep in a very long time.
Last night I dreamt I was walking down this path... there were tons of trees everywhere and lots of little animals... it looked like a mix between a Thomas Kinkaid painting and Snow White. While I was walking I was listening to the wind in the trees; it sounded like someone was talking. The voice was deep and it made everything rumble. It was saying my name over and over again. It scared me so I never answered the voice I just kept walking. I guess I thought if I ignored it the voice would leave me alone.
After I made it thru the woods, the path ended at a stream. I knelt down and got some water in my hands and the water tasted sweet. I was so thirsty that I drank and drank and drank and before I knew it the stream was dried up. I was looking at the fish gasp for air and flop around on the ground.
I looked around and noticed the deep voice had quit calling my name, I said hello, and there was a rumble in the ground and a huge gust of wind. Then out of nowhere the stream started filling with water again. I sat there basking in the sun and watched the fish swim around in a stream full of crystal clear water.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Heros... Do they still exist?
When I was a little girl I had so many heroes... My Daddy, Superman, Davy Crockett, and Jesus! But now that I'm not little and I realized that the world is in need of real heroes I question that they are even still around.
Where is Superman to save the world and always protect and save Louis Lane... what about Spiderman? He saves the world and always protects Mary Jane.
Where is my hero to save the world and to always protect me?
The Webster definition of a hero is a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability... It’s kind of sad to look it up and see that they are "mythological" figure. So now that I know Superman isn’t real; who is left to be the hero in this crazy, hectic world?
To me I have some hero's. Jesus Christ is one. You might not be religious or even believe the same things I believe but I know I have faith. Inside that faith I see Jesus as someone who came to save us from ourselves. Without him I don’t know where I would be. I would be wondering thru this life aimlessly. Even though sometimes I feel as if I am living aimlessly I know that God has plans for me. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
I have an earthly hero also, my husband. Carlos is my hero; the definition said a hero has great strength or ability. Well, Carlos has both. Carlos isn’t just strong in the sense of muscles he is has a strong spirit. He is able to look at all the bad in the world and still see some good. Carlos is my hero for more than just what he can do for me but he is my hero because he chooses without question to do things for me. No one ever had to ask Superman or Spiderman to save the world... they did it because they wanted to. Carlos saves me from so much bad in the world because of the love he has for me.
Do other people still believe in heroes? Do you have a hero? I know that I do. Even though this world is hard... its mean... and we are all in need of saving; do you still believe in heroes or have you given up and just let the world take you over?
Where is Superman to save the world and always protect and save Louis Lane... what about Spiderman? He saves the world and always protects Mary Jane.
Where is my hero to save the world and to always protect me?
The Webster definition of a hero is a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability... It’s kind of sad to look it up and see that they are "mythological" figure. So now that I know Superman isn’t real; who is left to be the hero in this crazy, hectic world?
To me I have some hero's. Jesus Christ is one. You might not be religious or even believe the same things I believe but I know I have faith. Inside that faith I see Jesus as someone who came to save us from ourselves. Without him I don’t know where I would be. I would be wondering thru this life aimlessly. Even though sometimes I feel as if I am living aimlessly I know that God has plans for me. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
I have an earthly hero also, my husband. Carlos is my hero; the definition said a hero has great strength or ability. Well, Carlos has both. Carlos isn’t just strong in the sense of muscles he is has a strong spirit. He is able to look at all the bad in the world and still see some good. Carlos is my hero for more than just what he can do for me but he is my hero because he chooses without question to do things for me. No one ever had to ask Superman or Spiderman to save the world... they did it because they wanted to. Carlos saves me from so much bad in the world because of the love he has for me.
Do other people still believe in heroes? Do you have a hero? I know that I do. Even though this world is hard... its mean... and we are all in need of saving; do you still believe in heroes or have you given up and just let the world take you over?
Do you have trust issues???
I know I sure as hell do... I have trouble trusting anyone. I have found that people even though they don’t always mean to; people let you down. People break your heart... people walk all over you.
I tell our niece Saraya, that she has to learn not to put people up on a pedestal. Because when we do that they are on a "god" level and they aren't God. They are human they will let us down, they will brake promises, and they will hurt us. Most of the time people don’t hurt others on purpose but it still happens.
Someone promises to take you somewhere or do something with you and then they don’t. They forget, something comes up, or maybe they just don’t want to do it anymore. Some people promise they will never hurt you.... that’s the worse one you can do to someone... you make a promise you know without a doubt that someday you will break. Someday you will mess up how you word something and tear someone down... or maybe your just having an off day and you cancel plans on someone who has had their heart set on one thing or another and now they are let down.
People always let you down... That is one of the hardest lessons in life.
I wish people didn’t let each other down I wish we could all keep our word but we cant... how can we control everything out there... We are just mere humans... We don’t control the tides of the sea or the wind blowing the trees... we are just here. We do the best that we can with what we have; our resources and our time.
Even though we aren’t perfect and we are going to hurt each other one way or another it doesn’t mean that we don’t try to improve. It doesn’t mean we have an excuse to treat each other like scum. Out of respect for each of the people we come into contact with we need to try to make things right... keep promises, watch how we talk to people and try to keep our word.
I know if everyone did that our trust issues would be so much smaller... but with no effort on peoples fault we have a HUGE problem trusting any and everyone.
I tell our niece Saraya, that she has to learn not to put people up on a pedestal. Because when we do that they are on a "god" level and they aren't God. They are human they will let us down, they will brake promises, and they will hurt us. Most of the time people don’t hurt others on purpose but it still happens.
Someone promises to take you somewhere or do something with you and then they don’t. They forget, something comes up, or maybe they just don’t want to do it anymore. Some people promise they will never hurt you.... that’s the worse one you can do to someone... you make a promise you know without a doubt that someday you will break. Someday you will mess up how you word something and tear someone down... or maybe your just having an off day and you cancel plans on someone who has had their heart set on one thing or another and now they are let down.
People always let you down... That is one of the hardest lessons in life.
I wish people didn’t let each other down I wish we could all keep our word but we cant... how can we control everything out there... We are just mere humans... We don’t control the tides of the sea or the wind blowing the trees... we are just here. We do the best that we can with what we have; our resources and our time.
Even though we aren’t perfect and we are going to hurt each other one way or another it doesn’t mean that we don’t try to improve. It doesn’t mean we have an excuse to treat each other like scum. Out of respect for each of the people we come into contact with we need to try to make things right... keep promises, watch how we talk to people and try to keep our word.
I know if everyone did that our trust issues would be so much smaller... but with no effort on peoples fault we have a HUGE problem trusting any and everyone.
My Life...
So I'm in a rough place in life... I don’t quite know what to do or how to do it... I feel lost... And the thing is I don’t even know why!!
I am overwhelmed... You see I am 22... Married to my best friend... but I hate where I am... I don’t hate my husband don’t get me wrong! I adore Carlos. He makes me happy and makes me laugh... But other than him I hate where I am. I am in need of change I need to make a life for myself and my husband and tell the rest of the world to get out of my way or go to Hell. But before I can start making my way I have to find what it is that I am meant to do!!! Now that’s where I am really stuck...
What in the #?*! do I do with my life... I don’t mind working and I love the job I have now. I work for an Insurance company and I sell insurance... But I want freedom... I want to be able to pack my things and leave... I want the life of a Gypsy... I want to travel here to there doing as a please and making a little money on the way; when I get tired of one place I will go to another. And I don’t want anyone to be able to tell me no.
If I'm not doing anything wrong or breaking any laws then I feel I should have the freedom to do as I damn well please.
But still I'm faced with a problem... My husband is in the Marine Corps and I can't just up and leave because of his commitment to the Marines... So now what? Maybe I don’t want to be a Gypsy... Maybe I want to just settle into a little place away from everyone and everything and make a life for Carlos and I away from it all.
But is it always good to run away from everything? Probably not. But you want to know a little secret??? I DONT CARE!!! You see I want to be happy and I will be happy one way or another... I just have to get away from the situation that I am in to make things better.
Still I can’t get away now... so what do I do in the mean time to keep my sanity and to keep me from jumping head first off the sears tower??? Should I become obsessed with an image.... be it a body image or a celebrity.... that doesn’t sound very fun! I think I’ll pass on that one. Should I become obsessed with cooking? I love food... but I will be the size of a house before you know it. Or should I just write all my thoughts and feelings down here and share them with anyone and everyone who cares enough to read it???
I think that is what I will do... you will hear everything on here... serious thoughts and issues to stupid funny things I hear... you will get my emotions you will get my life.... take it or leave it... but whatever you do be gentle with it... because this is MY LIFE!
I am overwhelmed... You see I am 22... Married to my best friend... but I hate where I am... I don’t hate my husband don’t get me wrong! I adore Carlos. He makes me happy and makes me laugh... But other than him I hate where I am. I am in need of change I need to make a life for myself and my husband and tell the rest of the world to get out of my way or go to Hell. But before I can start making my way I have to find what it is that I am meant to do!!! Now that’s where I am really stuck...
What in the #?*! do I do with my life... I don’t mind working and I love the job I have now. I work for an Insurance company and I sell insurance... But I want freedom... I want to be able to pack my things and leave... I want the life of a Gypsy... I want to travel here to there doing as a please and making a little money on the way; when I get tired of one place I will go to another. And I don’t want anyone to be able to tell me no.
If I'm not doing anything wrong or breaking any laws then I feel I should have the freedom to do as I damn well please.
But still I'm faced with a problem... My husband is in the Marine Corps and I can't just up and leave because of his commitment to the Marines... So now what? Maybe I don’t want to be a Gypsy... Maybe I want to just settle into a little place away from everyone and everything and make a life for Carlos and I away from it all.
But is it always good to run away from everything? Probably not. But you want to know a little secret??? I DONT CARE!!! You see I want to be happy and I will be happy one way or another... I just have to get away from the situation that I am in to make things better.
Still I can’t get away now... so what do I do in the mean time to keep my sanity and to keep me from jumping head first off the sears tower??? Should I become obsessed with an image.... be it a body image or a celebrity.... that doesn’t sound very fun! I think I’ll pass on that one. Should I become obsessed with cooking? I love food... but I will be the size of a house before you know it. Or should I just write all my thoughts and feelings down here and share them with anyone and everyone who cares enough to read it???
I think that is what I will do... you will hear everything on here... serious thoughts and issues to stupid funny things I hear... you will get my emotions you will get my life.... take it or leave it... but whatever you do be gentle with it... because this is MY LIFE!
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