I know who I am, and I am proud of who I am...
I am not only a Southern girl... I'm a Texan. I am Conservative. I have a heart as big as the West Texas sky. I stand up for what I believe in. I am hard headed. When I get my mind set on something there is nothing you can do to make me stop. I'm as sweet as pie but I have a fightin side a mile wide. I believe in God and Country. There is nothing that can change how I feel about this country. I will stand up and fight for who I am and what I believe in... I believe in our military. I stand behind the men and women willing to lay their life down for us. I believe in working hard.
I am proud of who I am... I am a Patriotic Conservative Christian Texan and there is no changin it!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
What I would give...
I would give my right arm to be able to sleep right now. I am so stinkin tired. I don't ever sleep well. It is so frustrating to be utterly exhausted all the time.
Before I got married I could sleep. And then I lived with in laws... I was so annoyed all the time I hardly slept. Now that we are in our own apartment I am able to sleep a lot better but not as good as I used to. I wish I could go curl up in a little ball and sleep forever!!! Maybe someday I will be able to sleep all day again.
We have our room and the guest room/office. I have been sleeping in there lately so I wont keep Carlos up... I don't want to have to sleep in a different room. I have sleeping pills. I take Trazadone. The doctor said that they used to give it as an anti-depressant but they found it didn't help it just makes people sleep (it would have had to sucked to be horribly depressed then not be able to get out of bed... not because of your outlook on life but because of your anti-depressants) Anyways, I am supposed to take a max of 100 mg... I can take 200mg and it not even phase me... I have tried Melatonin... which is supposed to be a natural supplement... It doesn't work either.
I know that I can go get the more intense pills like Ambient or something but I have a very addictive personality and I don't want to get hooked on something. (I finally quit smoking... 39 days!!)
So what do I do to go to sleep??? I need ideas that have worked for other people so that I can get the rest I need.
Before I got married I could sleep. And then I lived with in laws... I was so annoyed all the time I hardly slept. Now that we are in our own apartment I am able to sleep a lot better but not as good as I used to. I wish I could go curl up in a little ball and sleep forever!!! Maybe someday I will be able to sleep all day again.
We have our room and the guest room/office. I have been sleeping in there lately so I wont keep Carlos up... I don't want to have to sleep in a different room. I have sleeping pills. I take Trazadone. The doctor said that they used to give it as an anti-depressant but they found it didn't help it just makes people sleep (it would have had to sucked to be horribly depressed then not be able to get out of bed... not because of your outlook on life but because of your anti-depressants) Anyways, I am supposed to take a max of 100 mg... I can take 200mg and it not even phase me... I have tried Melatonin... which is supposed to be a natural supplement... It doesn't work either.
I know that I can go get the more intense pills like Ambient or something but I have a very addictive personality and I don't want to get hooked on something. (I finally quit smoking... 39 days!!)
So what do I do to go to sleep??? I need ideas that have worked for other people so that I can get the rest I need.
I'm down...
Right now I am so down in the dumps... I have gained so much weight since I got married and I am miserable. I don't even know how to make it stop... It was so easy to put on the weight... so easy I didn't even see the weight piling on... but now it takes every bit of my to try to get it off. I am up and its 12:15 I should be asleep... but I'm up and freaking out instead!!!
I am scared that every time my leg touches my husbands leg that he is thinking "get that nasty fat leg off of me" Carlos says he doesn't think that and I'm happy he doesn't but it doesn't change how I'm feeling. I almost feel like I should constantly be walking and be on a strict water and laxative diet... (I would never do that).... but I feel like I need some extreme measures.
The Marine Corps Ball is in a month. November 5th. I want to look good. I want to be on Carlos' arm and I want him to want to show me off. Plus there is this female Marine, who is breath taking... I want to feel comfortable standing and talking to her... I don't want people to look at us and think oh look at the HUGE girl tryin to look good.
I know most of this wouldn't happen like people talking about me or Carlos not wanting me to touch him... but right now I feel horrible. I feel like I am the size of a house and my self esteem is so low it is absurd. So what do I do?
I guess I go to bed for tonight.... Get up and start working on being fit and healthy. I guess that's all I can do for now.
I am scared that every time my leg touches my husbands leg that he is thinking "get that nasty fat leg off of me" Carlos says he doesn't think that and I'm happy he doesn't but it doesn't change how I'm feeling. I almost feel like I should constantly be walking and be on a strict water and laxative diet... (I would never do that).... but I feel like I need some extreme measures.
The Marine Corps Ball is in a month. November 5th. I want to look good. I want to be on Carlos' arm and I want him to want to show me off. Plus there is this female Marine, who is breath taking... I want to feel comfortable standing and talking to her... I don't want people to look at us and think oh look at the HUGE girl tryin to look good.
I know most of this wouldn't happen like people talking about me or Carlos not wanting me to touch him... but right now I feel horrible. I feel like I am the size of a house and my self esteem is so low it is absurd. So what do I do?
I guess I go to bed for tonight.... Get up and start working on being fit and healthy. I guess that's all I can do for now.
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