What I would give...

I would give my right arm to be able to sleep right now. I am so stinkin tired. I don't ever sleep well. It is so frustrating to be utterly exhausted all the time.

Before I got married I could sleep. And then I lived with in laws... I was so annoyed all the time I hardly slept. Now that we are in our own apartment I am able to sleep a lot better but not as good as I used to. I wish I could go curl up in a little ball and sleep forever!!! Maybe someday I will be able to sleep all day again.

We have our room and the guest room/office. I have been sleeping in there lately so I wont keep Carlos up... I don't want to have to sleep in a different room. I have sleeping pills. I take Trazadone. The doctor said that they used to give it as an anti-depressant but they found it didn't help it just makes people sleep (it would have had to sucked to be horribly depressed then not be able to get out of bed... not because of your outlook on life but because of your anti-depressants) Anyways, I am supposed to take a max of 100 mg... I can take 200mg and it not even phase me... I have tried Melatonin... which is supposed to be a natural supplement... It doesn't work either.

I know that I can go get the more intense pills like Ambient or something but I have a very addictive personality and I don't want to get hooked on something. (I finally quit smoking... 39 days!!)

So what do I do to go to sleep??? I need ideas that have worked for other people so that I can get the rest I need.

Here we GOOOOO.....

I did it. I signed up for classes....

School starts a week from today. Monday Aug 29th I start classes again for the first time in 3 years!!!! AAAHHHH!!!! I only signed up for 2 classes and I figure that is a good place to start. I am going to be taking History before 1866 and Intro to Psyc!!!

I am super excited. I have so much going on in my life right now and I pray that God gives me the ability and the discipline to balance all of them.

I am starting some different things in our church for the children's ministry, starting school, working 30 hours a week, and I still need to give attention and love to my husband!!

I was always envious of the kids in high school who could juggle everything and still make straight A's.

I'm giving myself a vote of confidence and telling myself "You can do this, you can give 100% to everything, you can manage your time wisely, your going to do great!!!!!"

A step in a different direction....

I have been thinking a lot about where I am in life, what I'm doing, what I want to be... You know thinking about my life in general.

I realized that I have a wonderful life. I am beyond blessed. I have a wonderful husband who supports me. God is working wonders in my life and I have a wonderful job.

The delima is I was given the opportunity to get licensed and get a job with Allstate. Its a chance at a career and a chance most people don't get handed to them. I am so grateful for my opportunity. My line for everyone was I just had a career handed to me, all I had to do was study and pass some tests.

All this sounds great except the word career. I have a great job and a great boss. However this is not my calling. I was not made to make sales. I have a passion, I have desires, I have dreams, and goals, and not a single one of these depends on me making sales, sitting in front of a computer all hours of the day and making phone calls. My dreams and passions are children.

I feel like the past few weeks God has been telling me to go into Children's Ministry. I have listened and answered his call and am in the process of going through the motions and hoops to be a Children's Director. For now the job is all volunteer, so I will continue to work at Allstate.

The next goal is to get back to school. I want to go to school and learn. I want to be a teacher, I want to influence as many young people as I can. So, as of now I am in the process of finding out what I need to do to get through school.

Please pray for me. I am so excited about all this. I don't even know what to do with myself I am so excited, but at the same time, I am absolutely terrified.

Crazy Dreams

Do you have tons of dreams? Sometimes I have so many and other times I go forever without a dream. I love to have dreams. I think it’s exciting to wake up and tell people what just happened in my dream.

Last night I dreamt I was walking down this path... there were tons of trees everywhere and lots of little animals... it looked like a mix between a Thomas Kinkaid painting and Snow White. While I was walking I was listening to the wind in the trees; it sounded like someone was talking. The voice was deep and it made everything rumble. It was saying my name over and over again. It scared me so I never answered the voice I just kept walking. I guess I thought if I ignored it the voice would leave me alone.

After I made it thru the woods, the path ended at a stream. I knelt down and got some water in my hands and the water tasted sweet. I was so thirsty that I drank and drank and drank and before I knew it the stream was dried up. I was looking at the fish gasp for air and flop around on the ground.

I looked around and noticed the deep voice had quit calling my name, I said hello, and there was a rumble in the ground and a huge gust of wind. Then out of nowhere the stream started filling with water again. I sat there basking in the sun and watched the fish swim around in a stream full of crystal clear water.

I don’t know why I was dreaming that... and I'm not someone who can analyze dreams but I do know I woke up at peace and had the most restful sleep in a very long time.